Chapter 11
By far what would be the biggest day of my life to date February 26th, 2014 finally arrived. Sure, there were many other big days in my life. There was my wedding day and my subsequent divorce day eighteen years later. The birth of my daughter Stephanie, was also a pretty big day. But today by far would be the biggest day of my 19,566 days to date.
Obviously, the worst day of my life had been when I was diagnosed just four months earlier. If for some unexpected reason that I would die during the big operation, then this day would be my worst day as well as my biggest day.
Obviously, the worst day of my life had been when I was diagnosed just four months earlier. If for some unexpected reason that I would die during the big operation, then this day would be my worst day as well as my biggest day.
But then why would I care? I would be dead.
Everything was pointing to my big operation being successful. I had the ace surgeon, I was in great shape going in. This surgery, although major was not really life threatening and the odds definitely were stacked in my favour.
But, as with any surgery there is a risk.
Everything was pointing to my big operation being successful. I had the ace surgeon, I was in great shape going in. This surgery, although major was not really life threatening and the odds definitely were stacked in my favour.
But, as with any surgery there is a risk.
I would gladly trade all my life's previous biggest days, so as to not go through my cancer journey and my big operation with one exception. The birth of my daughter, I would not trade. Everything else including the fifteen years that I shared Leaf season tickets, would be out the window in a heartbeat.
Cancer had truly taken over my entire life.
Sure, I kept smiling and putting on a brave face. I was positive on the outside, always reassuring everyone I was beating cancer.
I was 'kick'n ass cancer's ass', I told them all.
Inside though I was terrified, I was terrified of the unknown. I was terrified of a miserable life going forward, but most of all I was terrified of death.
I was terrified of today.
Sherry and I arrived at the hospital at 9 am. After more paperwork, some hugs and kisses I was escorted down to the same room where I had been told I had cancer. I changed into a hospital gown, something you would think I had figured out by now. Yet, I still struggled with the two gown system. If my ass was bare today and with all my dignity already shredded during the past four months, then so be it.
It is what it is.
A nurse came by and took some blood, she explained I would be getting a bit of a sponge bath and a shave in the surgery area.
Please be a tall and busty beautiful blonde. I thought to myself.
Sadly, it was not to be.
I was greeted by Dr. G and he explained if everything went to plan my surgery would proceed around noon. I felt more at ease after seeing him. I was now ready, but I still had a couple more hours to wait. I had not eaten anything for the previous thirty hours and I was absolutely starving.
I could not even drink water now as I just sat and stared. I was staring at the exact same spot where my whole life had changed in an instant. I was overwhelmed with emotion, while vividly recalling that moment sitting in a wheelchair not even twenty feet from where I was now sitting.
It seemed like yesterday, yet it had already been four months.
If only I had not got cancer.
Cancer had truly taken over my entire life.
Sure, I kept smiling and putting on a brave face. I was positive on the outside, always reassuring everyone I was beating cancer.
I was 'kick'n ass cancer's ass', I told them all.
Inside though I was terrified, I was terrified of the unknown. I was terrified of a miserable life going forward, but most of all I was terrified of death.
I was terrified of today.
Sherry and I arrived at the hospital at 9 am. After more paperwork, some hugs and kisses I was escorted down to the same room where I had been told I had cancer. I changed into a hospital gown, something you would think I had figured out by now. Yet, I still struggled with the two gown system. If my ass was bare today and with all my dignity already shredded during the past four months, then so be it.
It is what it is.
A nurse came by and took some blood, she explained I would be getting a bit of a sponge bath and a shave in the surgery area.
Please be a tall and busty beautiful blonde. I thought to myself.
Sadly, it was not to be.
I was greeted by Dr. G and he explained if everything went to plan my surgery would proceed around noon. I felt more at ease after seeing him. I was now ready, but I still had a couple more hours to wait. I had not eaten anything for the previous thirty hours and I was absolutely starving.
I could not even drink water now as I just sat and stared. I was staring at the exact same spot where my whole life had changed in an instant. I was overwhelmed with emotion, while vividly recalling that moment sitting in a wheelchair not even twenty feet from where I was now sitting.
It seemed like yesterday, yet it had already been four months.
If only I had not got cancer.
I wish I would have had my first colonoscopy back when I was forty-seven. God how I wish now that I could turn back the clock.
If ifs and buts were candies and nuts, it would be Christmas every day, I remember thinking.
I hate Christmas.
It is what it is.
It was just after 11 am and I was wheeled into another room where I would be monitored a bit more closely. The anesthesiologist dropped by to introduce himself. He explained his part in my big operation and that he would be administering an epidural for pain management. As well he would be monitoring me during the complete procedure.
I shook his hand and thanked him. He seemed to have the easier job between him and Dr. G. I remember reading somewhere that anesthesiologists earn more money than surgeons in Canada.
It was like me making more money delivering propellers to marinas than a school bus driver does to deliver children safely to school. It didn’t seem right, but what do I know?
If ifs and buts were candies and nuts, it would be Christmas every day, I remember thinking.
I hate Christmas.
It is what it is.
It was just after 11 am and I was wheeled into another room where I would be monitored a bit more closely. The anesthesiologist dropped by to introduce himself. He explained his part in my big operation and that he would be administering an epidural for pain management. As well he would be monitoring me during the complete procedure.
I shook his hand and thanked him. He seemed to have the easier job between him and Dr. G. I remember reading somewhere that anesthesiologists earn more money than surgeons in Canada.
It was like me making more money delivering propellers to marinas than a school bus driver does to deliver children safely to school. It didn’t seem right, but what do I know?
It is what it is.
It was now approaching noon, I was getting very anxious. Dr. G came by one more time and the next time I see him will be in the operating room. He lifted up my gown and marked an ‘X’ right about where my appendix is.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“If everything goes to plan that is where your bag will be” he replied. I shook his hand and thanked him as he walked away. A bandana was now covering his hair.
I looked down at the ‘X’ and it was definitely on my right side. If my navel is dead center then the “X” was a good three inches to the right. The right side meant a temporary bag and I would be back in six months for a not so big operation.
I will take it, thank you very much.
Before entering the operating room, I was told I would be making what I thought would be a quick stop to have the epidural administered. The anesthesiologist explained that he would be inserting a large needle into my spinal area. The injection results in a loss of sensation, including the sensation of pain by blocking the transmission of signals through nerve fibres in or near the spinal cord. I remember my ex-wife needed one just hours before Stephanie was born and I had to leave the room.
The procedure which should’ve taken about ten minutes lasted almost an hour, he was having problems inserting the needle. He had to try in numerous areas since the discs in my spine were very condensed and none seemed to work. I could see Dr. G pacing in the hallway through the little window on the door.
It was now approaching noon, I was getting very anxious. Dr. G came by one more time and the next time I see him will be in the operating room. He lifted up my gown and marked an ‘X’ right about where my appendix is.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“If everything goes to plan that is where your bag will be” he replied. I shook his hand and thanked him as he walked away. A bandana was now covering his hair.
I looked down at the ‘X’ and it was definitely on my right side. If my navel is dead center then the “X” was a good three inches to the right. The right side meant a temporary bag and I would be back in six months for a not so big operation.
I will take it, thank you very much.
Before entering the operating room, I was told I would be making what I thought would be a quick stop to have the epidural administered. The anesthesiologist explained that he would be inserting a large needle into my spinal area. The injection results in a loss of sensation, including the sensation of pain by blocking the transmission of signals through nerve fibres in or near the spinal cord. I remember my ex-wife needed one just hours before Stephanie was born and I had to leave the room.
The procedure which should’ve taken about ten minutes lasted almost an hour, he was having problems inserting the needle. He had to try in numerous areas since the discs in my spine were very condensed and none seemed to work. I could see Dr. G pacing in the hallway through the little window on the door.
I hoped, that he wasn’t pissed off at me now that he might be getting home a bit later tonight.
I hoped, he would not take any shortcuts to save some time.
I hoped, he had no plans for tonight.
I felt bad that my fuck’n condensed discs were holding up the show. Finally, the epidural worked and I was now wheeled into the operating room.
It was now close to 1:30 pm.
It's funny the things that I remember the most.
I felt bad that my fuck’n condensed discs were holding up the show. Finally, the epidural worked and I was now wheeled into the operating room.
It was now close to 1:30 pm.
It's funny the things that I remember the most.
Even the smallest details, they will be the ones that I will never forget. When I was wheeled into the operating room, I was surprised just how small the room actually was. The little room was jammed with equipment, there were lights, monitors and tubes. Right in the middle of the room was the operating table and a set of stirrups just calling out my name. It seemed like there were half a dozen nurses in the room getting everything ready, but in reality there were probably two or three.
I remember there was a faint iodine smell.
I was wheeled over and slid onto the table. I saw trays of utensils, lots of scalpels at the ready. I remember the scalpels were all so shiny under the bright lights.
Dr. G had originally planned to do the operation laparoscopically. Laparoscopic surgery would be much less invasive and allow for a speedier recovery. Laparoscopic surgery entails making small keyhole incisions and the use of cameras and robotics to remove the tumour.
He had now decided to go with the open surgery and a foot long incision vertically from my pelvic bone upwards to just above my belly button.
And add another lifetime reminder of my journey.
Personally, I actually preferred the open surgery. It gave Dr. G a chance to look around, check other organs for any potential problems from previous radiation to the area or possible metastasis. This was why he elected to do the open surgery, he wanted to be thorough and check everything while he was in there.
I’m good with that.
Yeah, sure I was going to have a big lifetime scar. I can live with the scar and it wasn’t like I was going to be doing any Men’s Health magazine covers anyway.
Dr. G anticipated no problems in my recovery, with the exception my wound would take longer to heal. I could live with that also.
Starting today, all my work in the gym would begin to pay off.
Dr. G had his back to me, he was writing and he looked busy getting everything ready. I imagined that there was some kind of checklist he was completing. The anesthesiologist was also ready as my legs were placed on the stirrups by the nurses. I vividly remember how stupid those white stockings looked and wishing that my penis was much larger.
It is what it is.
Dr. G grabbed my hand and I thanked him once again for everything. He nodded, he now had his surgical mask on. The oxygen mask was placed on my face. I remember the sound of all the vacuum pumps hissing and an extremely bright light in my eyes.
I remember hearing my pulse beeping on one of the monitors. I started counting the beeps.
I remember there was a faint iodine smell.
I was wheeled over and slid onto the table. I saw trays of utensils, lots of scalpels at the ready. I remember the scalpels were all so shiny under the bright lights.
Dr. G had originally planned to do the operation laparoscopically. Laparoscopic surgery would be much less invasive and allow for a speedier recovery. Laparoscopic surgery entails making small keyhole incisions and the use of cameras and robotics to remove the tumour.
He had now decided to go with the open surgery and a foot long incision vertically from my pelvic bone upwards to just above my belly button.
And add another lifetime reminder of my journey.
Personally, I actually preferred the open surgery. It gave Dr. G a chance to look around, check other organs for any potential problems from previous radiation to the area or possible metastasis. This was why he elected to do the open surgery, he wanted to be thorough and check everything while he was in there.
I’m good with that.
Yeah, sure I was going to have a big lifetime scar. I can live with the scar and it wasn’t like I was going to be doing any Men’s Health magazine covers anyway.
Dr. G anticipated no problems in my recovery, with the exception my wound would take longer to heal. I could live with that also.
Starting today, all my work in the gym would begin to pay off.
Dr. G had his back to me, he was writing and he looked busy getting everything ready. I imagined that there was some kind of checklist he was completing. The anesthesiologist was also ready as my legs were placed on the stirrups by the nurses. I vividly remember how stupid those white stockings looked and wishing that my penis was much larger.
It is what it is.
Dr. G grabbed my hand and I thanked him once again for everything. He nodded, he now had his surgical mask on. The oxygen mask was placed on my face. I remember the sound of all the vacuum pumps hissing and an extremely bright light in my eyes.
I remember hearing my pulse beeping on one of the monitors. I started counting the beeps.
One, two, three ...