Chapter 24
Oh My God!
What have I done?
Once my reversal was complete and I was back home, I asked myself that question every single day for the first month or so. My life had become one big shit show, literally. During the first month post reversal on most days I went to the washroom thirty plus times. My ass was so raw even the extra soft Charmin now felt like gritty sandpaper. I was also applying a special medicated cream as well I as having daily sitz baths in warm water. Nothing seemed to work.
I was in fuck’n agony all the time.
All I could do was sit then shit. It was the weirdest sensation; I would have an immediate urge to go. I would go, but I was shitting a rabbit like small pellet stool. No sooner would I be finished and off the toilet when the urge would strike again within minutes and I would have to rush back to the toilet.
I kind of expected this as many members on the Colon Talk forum who had gone through reversals shared their experiences. Some went into great detail as to what I could expect.
But, slowly it does get better they all promised.
A few members who just could not accept their new normal, elected to have their colostomy and the bag back. With a colostomy they had control again and were not confined to spending hours daily in a washroom.
There were days I actually wished I had my bag back when the stinging pain became so unbearable. I would then slap myself on the side of the head reminding myself that it would get better eventually.
But for how long would I have to wait?
Would it be a few weeks, months or maybe even a few years?
Once my reversal was complete and I was back home, I asked myself that question every single day for the first month or so. My life had become one big shit show, literally. During the first month post reversal on most days I went to the washroom thirty plus times. My ass was so raw even the extra soft Charmin now felt like gritty sandpaper. I was also applying a special medicated cream as well I as having daily sitz baths in warm water. Nothing seemed to work.
I was in fuck’n agony all the time.
All I could do was sit then shit. It was the weirdest sensation; I would have an immediate urge to go. I would go, but I was shitting a rabbit like small pellet stool. No sooner would I be finished and off the toilet when the urge would strike again within minutes and I would have to rush back to the toilet.
I kind of expected this as many members on the Colon Talk forum who had gone through reversals shared their experiences. Some went into great detail as to what I could expect.
But, slowly it does get better they all promised.
A few members who just could not accept their new normal, elected to have their colostomy and the bag back. With a colostomy they had control again and were not confined to spending hours daily in a washroom.
There were days I actually wished I had my bag back when the stinging pain became so unbearable. I would then slap myself on the side of the head reminding myself that it would get better eventually.
But for how long would I have to wait?
Would it be a few weeks, months or maybe even a few years?
There was nothing I could do now but sit, shit and wait. There was absolutely no way I was opting for a colostomy and my bag back.
There is such a fine balance between the bulking of stool and the regularity of bowel movements. Diet plays a huge part in this balance as does drinking lots of water. The BRAT (banana, rice, apple sauce, toast) diet is a bland, slow digesting diet that produces a reduced amount of stool.
Imodium also can be used to slow down the length of time for waste to pass through the colon.
Metamucil is a 100% natural dietary fibre supplement that works to absorb water from your intestines to form a softer, bulkier stool which aids in easier bowel movements. As much as you don’t want to be running to the toilet multi times a day, you also don’t want constipation either. The proper balance needs to be found and every patient's balance will be different.
Some never find a proper balance; even years after their reversals they still have to tweak their diets.
For me and my balance I mixed a big heaping tablespoon of Metamucil with a smaller amount of water before every breakfast. It made for a thicker, pastier orange flavored concoction. After adding an Imodium after breakfast I was then able to go about my day. My washroom visits although still multiple were restricted mostly to the evenings when I was home. If I knew I was going out in the evening, I would take an additional Imodium before I left to go out.
Priority number one post reversal is you must always know exactly where the closest washroom is located wherever you are.
Always, no exceptions.
I had even experimented with Depend underwear; I just did not trust my sphincter muscles. I also learned pretty quickly to never trust a fart. A potential fart could become a ‘shart’ in the blink of an eye. Once I resolved these trust issues, my life after reversal became more predictable and I stopped wearing the adult diapers.
I never really needed to watch what I ate, but my portions did become smaller after my reversal. I was always a big eater, but now I decided to reduce the volume of food I ate so as to decrease my daily washroom visits.
What goes in must come out, I reasoned.
I started keeping a food log, but I found it too time consuming so I quit. Logging the times of everything I ate and drank along with logging the times of every bowel movement proved futile for me. Also grading my stool compared with the Bristol Stool Chart just seemed a bit too much.
After a month I returned back to the gym. There was absolutely no way I could lift anything heavy and core exercises would not be happening anytime soon. Dr. G had warned me of a hernia injury should I attempt anything too strenuous too soon. A hernia would mean another surgery and there would be no way would I be back on the ice in late October.
It was almost as if someone at the gym knew of my planned CN Tower climb in the spring because there was a brand new stepmill when I returned. We never had a stepmill at the gym. It was kind of ironic that one had appeared suddenly on my return, especially with my upcoming CN Tower climb. It was perfect as there are no tall buildings in Bracebridge and I would now be able to train for my climb at the gym.
There is such a fine balance between the bulking of stool and the regularity of bowel movements. Diet plays a huge part in this balance as does drinking lots of water. The BRAT (banana, rice, apple sauce, toast) diet is a bland, slow digesting diet that produces a reduced amount of stool.
Imodium also can be used to slow down the length of time for waste to pass through the colon.
Metamucil is a 100% natural dietary fibre supplement that works to absorb water from your intestines to form a softer, bulkier stool which aids in easier bowel movements. As much as you don’t want to be running to the toilet multi times a day, you also don’t want constipation either. The proper balance needs to be found and every patient's balance will be different.
Some never find a proper balance; even years after their reversals they still have to tweak their diets.
For me and my balance I mixed a big heaping tablespoon of Metamucil with a smaller amount of water before every breakfast. It made for a thicker, pastier orange flavored concoction. After adding an Imodium after breakfast I was then able to go about my day. My washroom visits although still multiple were restricted mostly to the evenings when I was home. If I knew I was going out in the evening, I would take an additional Imodium before I left to go out.
Priority number one post reversal is you must always know exactly where the closest washroom is located wherever you are.
Always, no exceptions.
I had even experimented with Depend underwear; I just did not trust my sphincter muscles. I also learned pretty quickly to never trust a fart. A potential fart could become a ‘shart’ in the blink of an eye. Once I resolved these trust issues, my life after reversal became more predictable and I stopped wearing the adult diapers.
I never really needed to watch what I ate, but my portions did become smaller after my reversal. I was always a big eater, but now I decided to reduce the volume of food I ate so as to decrease my daily washroom visits.
What goes in must come out, I reasoned.
I started keeping a food log, but I found it too time consuming so I quit. Logging the times of everything I ate and drank along with logging the times of every bowel movement proved futile for me. Also grading my stool compared with the Bristol Stool Chart just seemed a bit too much.
After a month I returned back to the gym. There was absolutely no way I could lift anything heavy and core exercises would not be happening anytime soon. Dr. G had warned me of a hernia injury should I attempt anything too strenuous too soon. A hernia would mean another surgery and there would be no way would I be back on the ice in late October.
It was almost as if someone at the gym knew of my planned CN Tower climb in the spring because there was a brand new stepmill when I returned. We never had a stepmill at the gym. It was kind of ironic that one had appeared suddenly on my return, especially with my upcoming CN Tower climb. It was perfect as there are no tall buildings in Bracebridge and I would now be able to train for my climb at the gym.
I was so excited.
For the first five weeks, my workouts were just an hour of light cardio alternating between the elliptical machine and the new stepmill. My life was slowly starting to return back to my pre-cancer days. I was now just weeks away from my one year cancerversary.
For the first five weeks, my workouts were just an hour of light cardio alternating between the elliptical machine and the new stepmill. My life was slowly starting to return back to my pre-cancer days. I was now just weeks away from my one year cancerversary.
This is just one big milestone in a cancer patient’s journey.
Personally I had five big milestones, actually six that I wanted to achieve. One for each year I was cancer free up to five years and the sixth milestone, the biggest milestone would be the day I was discharged from the Cancer Centre.
I would be considered cured.
Personally I had five big milestones, actually six that I wanted to achieve. One for each year I was cancer free up to five years and the sixth milestone, the biggest milestone would be the day I was discharged from the Cancer Centre.
I would be considered cured.
I would be finished ‘kick’n ass cancer’s ass.’
Still, that day seemed like a lifetime away.
Still, that day seemed like a lifetime away.