Chapter 6
It is Monday December 9th, I am just over five weeks into my journey and today is my first day of chemo/rad. For the most part the radiation treatments were pretty quick and took less than two minutes. I would arrive, check in and change into a hospital gown. I was then placed on a machine that was computer operated based on my personal tumour coordinates. I had already been inked with three very small black dot tattoos, one on each hip and one on the small of my back. They are permanent and will forever be reminders of my journey should I ever forget this whole ordeal down the road.
However, I'm pretty sure that’s never going to happen.
I was then positioned face down in such a way that the laser beams coming out from the walls aligned with the tattoos on my hips. Once my correct position was achieved, I could not move. I needed to have a full bladder and take deep slow breaths. After pressing a few more buttons the machine made some final adjustments based my coordinates.
The two rad techs left the room and shut all the sealed doors tightly. The huge machine then did its job, moving around and zapping my tumour with pinpoint lethal doses of radiation.
Radiation treatments have come such a long way in just the past decade. Gone are the days where the whole tumour area was radiated causing enormous multiple side effects to nearby organs for the rest of your life. Now precise beams bombard the tumour and the tumour only. The whole process is painless.
However, I'm pretty sure that’s never going to happen.
I was then positioned face down in such a way that the laser beams coming out from the walls aligned with the tattoos on my hips. Once my correct position was achieved, I could not move. I needed to have a full bladder and take deep slow breaths. After pressing a few more buttons the machine made some final adjustments based my coordinates.
The two rad techs left the room and shut all the sealed doors tightly. The huge machine then did its job, moving around and zapping my tumour with pinpoint lethal doses of radiation.
Radiation treatments have come such a long way in just the past decade. Gone are the days where the whole tumour area was radiated causing enormous multiple side effects to nearby organs for the rest of your life. Now precise beams bombard the tumour and the tumour only. The whole process is painless.
Well, at least while you are on the table you feel nothing.
At first I wondered what the big fuss with chemo/rad was anyway because I felt great. I wondered if anything toxic was even in my chemo bottle and I experienced no ill effects from the radiation.
Everything changed during week three.
I was having my treatments in winter and with each treatment my adverseness to cold got even stronger. All my extremities felt the cold; it was a painful burning sensation. My cheekbones, nose and forehead took the brunt of it especially during walks to my car after my treatments in the cold winter wind.
Pain along with tingling pins and needles was now the norm in both my fingertips and toes.
For me drinking liquids cooler than room temperature was like swallowing shards of glass and became impossible. The radiation also started to burn as I would be running to the toilet twenty-plus times daily. I became very tired after my treatments, yet I persisted with my daily walks around Sherry's neighborhood each afternoon.
I was determined I was not giving cancer any foothold and getting the upper hand in our fight.
During those five weeks I found myself with lots of idle time. With the harsh winter outdoors, I found something just as harsh indoors, Dr. Google. It is only natural for someone with cancer to gravitate to Dr. Google.
Shit.
I had myself dead and buried at least five times, maybe six.
I was constantly searching for survival stories and stats for my stage of cancer. I read everything even though I knew the stats of survivorship were very outdated. Most were well over ten years old, but I just kept reading.
I would become discouraged then I would become encouraged and quickly I would be discouraged again.
Every person’s cancer journey is different, like snowflakes no two are alike. I read everywhere that living a healthy lifestyle, being fit and having a positive attitude were huge assets in the fight.
I had all of those.
During my Dr. Google visits I did stumble on what would be my biggest asset for colorectal cancer information.
Colon Talk is a user forum made up of thousands of worldwide members all in the same battle with colorectal cancer as I was. There is no sugar coating, just the facts. I visited many times daily and read literally hundreds if not thousands of posts.
I learned about some of the side effects I was never even told about. Many other members posted on how to remedy those same side effects.
I read about doctors in areas of the world that were able to hook up with patients who had nowhere else to turn. The latest information about new clinical trials coming down the pipe would give stage IV patients new hope to carry on the battle.
It was as if we were all one big not so happy family with everyone fighting colon cancer and supporting each other.
I did so much crying while reading stories of members who I felt like I knew personally. Some succumbing to cancer while still sharing positivity right up to the end. Other members who had the battle won only to have a recurrence many years later and start the fight all over again.
I gained more knowledge reading and sharing posts on the Colon Talk site than I did anywhere else, hands down.
I was so grateful that I found this site so early in my journey.
When I first started reading Colon Talk, I always loved reading the posts of members who had reached the magical five year mark. They were now done, released by their doctors and considered cured.
At first I wondered what the big fuss with chemo/rad was anyway because I felt great. I wondered if anything toxic was even in my chemo bottle and I experienced no ill effects from the radiation.
Everything changed during week three.
I was having my treatments in winter and with each treatment my adverseness to cold got even stronger. All my extremities felt the cold; it was a painful burning sensation. My cheekbones, nose and forehead took the brunt of it especially during walks to my car after my treatments in the cold winter wind.
Pain along with tingling pins and needles was now the norm in both my fingertips and toes.
For me drinking liquids cooler than room temperature was like swallowing shards of glass and became impossible. The radiation also started to burn as I would be running to the toilet twenty-plus times daily. I became very tired after my treatments, yet I persisted with my daily walks around Sherry's neighborhood each afternoon.
I was determined I was not giving cancer any foothold and getting the upper hand in our fight.
During those five weeks I found myself with lots of idle time. With the harsh winter outdoors, I found something just as harsh indoors, Dr. Google. It is only natural for someone with cancer to gravitate to Dr. Google.
Shit.
I had myself dead and buried at least five times, maybe six.
I was constantly searching for survival stories and stats for my stage of cancer. I read everything even though I knew the stats of survivorship were very outdated. Most were well over ten years old, but I just kept reading.
I would become discouraged then I would become encouraged and quickly I would be discouraged again.
Every person’s cancer journey is different, like snowflakes no two are alike. I read everywhere that living a healthy lifestyle, being fit and having a positive attitude were huge assets in the fight.
I had all of those.
During my Dr. Google visits I did stumble on what would be my biggest asset for colorectal cancer information.
Colon Talk is a user forum made up of thousands of worldwide members all in the same battle with colorectal cancer as I was. There is no sugar coating, just the facts. I visited many times daily and read literally hundreds if not thousands of posts.
I learned about some of the side effects I was never even told about. Many other members posted on how to remedy those same side effects.
I read about doctors in areas of the world that were able to hook up with patients who had nowhere else to turn. The latest information about new clinical trials coming down the pipe would give stage IV patients new hope to carry on the battle.
It was as if we were all one big not so happy family with everyone fighting colon cancer and supporting each other.
I did so much crying while reading stories of members who I felt like I knew personally. Some succumbing to cancer while still sharing positivity right up to the end. Other members who had the battle won only to have a recurrence many years later and start the fight all over again.
I gained more knowledge reading and sharing posts on the Colon Talk site than I did anywhere else, hands down.
I was so grateful that I found this site so early in my journey.
When I first started reading Colon Talk, I always loved reading the posts of members who had reached the magical five year mark. They were now done, released by their doctors and considered cured.
Those posts would give me so much hope and my goal was to someday also do a five year post.
Although today, five years still seemed like a lifetime away.