Epilogue
As I now approach the end of my journey, I also approach the end of this journal. There are just so many people that I need to thank. First and foremost, the most important person in my journey would be my best friend, Sherry.
I love Sherry.
Sherry was a true soldier throughout my cancer war. She had already gone through a colorectal cancer diagnosis, followed by a five year battle with her late husband Ron. She knew what kind of hell she was in for if she stuck around.
I love Sherry.
Sherry was a true soldier throughout my cancer war. She had already gone through a colorectal cancer diagnosis, followed by a five year battle with her late husband Ron. She knew what kind of hell she was in for if she stuck around.
She could’ve easily headed for the hills.
Who would’ve blamed her?
Not me.
Sherry dug in and we both fought my cancer together. I always promised her that this time things would be different.
“I’m not going anywhere, I’m going to kick ass cancer’s ass.” I kept reassuring her.
Obviously, I did not know for sure back in 2013, if I was beating cancer.
But, I kept saying it anyway, over and over. It always sounded good back in those early days and it still does today.
It looks like I may be keeping my promise.
Sherry later confessed to me that when I first had my bowel issues, she was pretty sure I had cancer. She never told me because she did not want to worry me, but two of my bowel issues had her convinced.
One was the urgent need to go to the washroom, then not being able to go. The second was the urgent need to go, then immediately needing to go again right after. They were exactly the same issues Ron had experienced before he was diagnosed. The blood in my stool, just reinforced my upcoming cancer diagnosis in her mind.
Sherry always kept me on an even keel, she was always positive, never negative. For most my life, I could be considered a negative glass half empty person. Sherry is a positive glass half full person. I could not imagine fighting cancer alone and thankfully, I was never alone. Sherry was always right by my side from day one back on Halloween 2013.
Never doubt the role of the cancer caregiver. Although, they physically don’t have cancer, they also live the journey. They live all the ups and downs just like the patient, sometimes even more so.
I will always be eternally grateful for everything Sherry has done for me. It has almost been seven years since our first date back in December 2012. Seven years, since she told me the two previous men in her life, her daughter’s father and her husband of twenty-one years had both died from colon cancer.
I would’ve wagered everything I own that I never would've gotten colon cancer, considering Sherry’s history with the disease.
What would the odds have been?
Three men and all three diagnosed with colorectal cancer.
I would've lost everything.
Today, we have a great life together living in Bracebridge. Sherry is the kindest, nicest and most loyal person I have ever known. We are now blessed to have a little grandson Liam in our lives.
We both look forward to watching him grow up.
I would not be writing this journal without the expertise of my outstanding medical team. Dr. Rohit Gupta, my ace surgeon. His experience, knowledge and skills got me through both my big operation as well as my not so big reversal operation without any complications.
My two oncologists, Dr. Debra Ng and Dr. Juhu Kamra saw me through the rigors of my chemotherapy and radiation treatments with no major side effects.
Although, not part of my actual medical team, my pharmacist Earl MacKnight unknowingly played a huge part. His forthrightness, saw me promptly taking the necessary steps which eventually led to my cancer diagnosis. Had I not taken Earl’s advice when I did, I am positive my cancer journey would have been much more difficult.
Over the last few winters, I have finally returned to my pre-cancer ice hockey playing schedule. In fact my attendance has been the best of everyone in the group for the last three seasons.
Remember, I’m the guy who drives 200 plus miles return each week to play. No other player in the group has or would ever do that.
Although, I still struggle with neuropathy in my feet, my biggest struggle is now with my age. Father time has crept up quickly and I am starting to feel it now. My skating legs are getting heavier each year. Endurance wise I feel I am good, but my quickness, acceleration and on ice skills have progressively diminished.
The Shanahan Group has been by far my favorite group that I have ever played hockey with. How much longer can I play the game I love most with my favorite group? It's hard to say, but I know in my heart there are not too many seasons left in the tank.
What’s that old saying about all good things must come to an end?
I know it will break my heart when I finally do have to stop playing hockey.
I am still climbing the CN Tower annually.
After Sherry and I did our first climb back in the spring of 2015, I have completed the climb every year since. Sherry, not so much. I have bettered my first climb time (20:34) every year. My best time to date (15:59) was in 2017, just under a minute shy of elite status.
By far, the most demanding strenuous thing I have ever done is climb the CN Tower. I have become obsessed with bettering my times, always striving for that sub-fifteen minute elite status. Each year I train hard, hitting the gym and climbing the equivalent of five CN Towers weekly on the stepmill. The stepmill is great, but I quickly learned that nothing mimics actual tower running than actual tower running itself.
Sometimes, I still do get down on myself for not yet hitting that elite status after five consecutive climbs. Then I cut myself some slack, reminding myself that I am almost sixty years old and a cancer survivor. Most climbers who are much younger and who have never had cancer are not even close to hitting my times.
It is what it is, I will keep climbing.
It would be great to achieve elite status, it is my goal. I would be happy just to do it once, but the climbs are getting harder each year. I will always remember those twenty-eight steps back at my old condo. They will forever serve as a great reality check and motivator. Even if I never get to frame a tee shirt with a sub-fifteen minute time written in black Sharpie on the back.
Who would’ve blamed her?
Not me.
Sherry dug in and we both fought my cancer together. I always promised her that this time things would be different.
“I’m not going anywhere, I’m going to kick ass cancer’s ass.” I kept reassuring her.
Obviously, I did not know for sure back in 2013, if I was beating cancer.
But, I kept saying it anyway, over and over. It always sounded good back in those early days and it still does today.
It looks like I may be keeping my promise.
Sherry later confessed to me that when I first had my bowel issues, she was pretty sure I had cancer. She never told me because she did not want to worry me, but two of my bowel issues had her convinced.
One was the urgent need to go to the washroom, then not being able to go. The second was the urgent need to go, then immediately needing to go again right after. They were exactly the same issues Ron had experienced before he was diagnosed. The blood in my stool, just reinforced my upcoming cancer diagnosis in her mind.
Sherry always kept me on an even keel, she was always positive, never negative. For most my life, I could be considered a negative glass half empty person. Sherry is a positive glass half full person. I could not imagine fighting cancer alone and thankfully, I was never alone. Sherry was always right by my side from day one back on Halloween 2013.
Never doubt the role of the cancer caregiver. Although, they physically don’t have cancer, they also live the journey. They live all the ups and downs just like the patient, sometimes even more so.
I will always be eternally grateful for everything Sherry has done for me. It has almost been seven years since our first date back in December 2012. Seven years, since she told me the two previous men in her life, her daughter’s father and her husband of twenty-one years had both died from colon cancer.
I would’ve wagered everything I own that I never would've gotten colon cancer, considering Sherry’s history with the disease.
What would the odds have been?
Three men and all three diagnosed with colorectal cancer.
I would've lost everything.
Today, we have a great life together living in Bracebridge. Sherry is the kindest, nicest and most loyal person I have ever known. We are now blessed to have a little grandson Liam in our lives.
We both look forward to watching him grow up.
I would not be writing this journal without the expertise of my outstanding medical team. Dr. Rohit Gupta, my ace surgeon. His experience, knowledge and skills got me through both my big operation as well as my not so big reversal operation without any complications.
My two oncologists, Dr. Debra Ng and Dr. Juhu Kamra saw me through the rigors of my chemotherapy and radiation treatments with no major side effects.
Although, not part of my actual medical team, my pharmacist Earl MacKnight unknowingly played a huge part. His forthrightness, saw me promptly taking the necessary steps which eventually led to my cancer diagnosis. Had I not taken Earl’s advice when I did, I am positive my cancer journey would have been much more difficult.
I might not be writing this journal today.
I would also like to thank everyone who I have mentioned in this journal.
To all the doctors, nurses and volunteers.
I would also like to thank everyone who I have mentioned in this journal.
To all the doctors, nurses and volunteers.
Thank you.
To all my friends and family for your ongoing texts, emails, phone calls and visits.
To all my friends and family for your ongoing texts, emails, phone calls and visits.
Thank you.
There have been so many of you who helped me win my battles. Some of the battles were small and some were big. You all played a part, I will forever be grateful for everything you all did for me.
Thank you.
There have been so many of you who helped me win my battles. Some of the battles were small and some were big. You all played a part, I will forever be grateful for everything you all did for me.
Thank you.
Over the last few winters, I have finally returned to my pre-cancer ice hockey playing schedule. In fact my attendance has been the best of everyone in the group for the last three seasons.
Remember, I’m the guy who drives 200 plus miles return each week to play. No other player in the group has or would ever do that.
Although, I still struggle with neuropathy in my feet, my biggest struggle is now with my age. Father time has crept up quickly and I am starting to feel it now. My skating legs are getting heavier each year. Endurance wise I feel I am good, but my quickness, acceleration and on ice skills have progressively diminished.
The Shanahan Group has been by far my favorite group that I have ever played hockey with. How much longer can I play the game I love most with my favorite group? It's hard to say, but I know in my heart there are not too many seasons left in the tank.
What’s that old saying about all good things must come to an end?
I know it will break my heart when I finally do have to stop playing hockey.
I am still climbing the CN Tower annually.
After Sherry and I did our first climb back in the spring of 2015, I have completed the climb every year since. Sherry, not so much. I have bettered my first climb time (20:34) every year. My best time to date (15:59) was in 2017, just under a minute shy of elite status.
By far, the most demanding strenuous thing I have ever done is climb the CN Tower. I have become obsessed with bettering my times, always striving for that sub-fifteen minute elite status. Each year I train hard, hitting the gym and climbing the equivalent of five CN Towers weekly on the stepmill. The stepmill is great, but I quickly learned that nothing mimics actual tower running than actual tower running itself.
Sometimes, I still do get down on myself for not yet hitting that elite status after five consecutive climbs. Then I cut myself some slack, reminding myself that I am almost sixty years old and a cancer survivor. Most climbers who are much younger and who have never had cancer are not even close to hitting my times.
It is what it is, I will keep climbing.
It would be great to achieve elite status, it is my goal. I would be happy just to do it once, but the climbs are getting harder each year. I will always remember those twenty-eight steps back at my old condo. They will forever serve as a great reality check and motivator. Even if I never get to frame a tee shirt with a sub-fifteen minute time written in black Sharpie on the back.
I will have done my best.
I will have nothing to be ashamed of.
Moving forward comes with a certain degree of apprehension. No longer will I be monitored so closely. No more peace of mind protocol surveillance. I know doctors say five plus years with no recurrence, puts me right back into the general population, when it comes to my chances of getting cancer.
But, I've had cancer.
I will always be convinced that my odds are now even greater. The radiation I was given, statistically increases a patient's chances of developing another cancer down the road. Every twinge, ache or pain and my first thought will always be.
I will have nothing to be ashamed of.
Moving forward comes with a certain degree of apprehension. No longer will I be monitored so closely. No more peace of mind protocol surveillance. I know doctors say five plus years with no recurrence, puts me right back into the general population, when it comes to my chances of getting cancer.
But, I've had cancer.
I will always be convinced that my odds are now even greater. The radiation I was given, statistically increases a patient's chances of developing another cancer down the road. Every twinge, ache or pain and my first thought will always be.
Am I having a recurrence?
Does cancer want a rematch?
As time passes and the longer I am cancer free, I will become more confident cancer will not be returning.
I know, I can't live my life that way.
Does cancer want a rematch?
As time passes and the longer I am cancer free, I will become more confident cancer will not be returning.
I know, I can't live my life that way.
I don't want to live my life with all the 'what if' and 'what not' uncertainties. There will always be reminders of my journey. Scars, neuropathy and LARS will forever be physical reminders. The whole unforgettable journey is forever etched in my memory as a constant mental reminder.
If you have read my journey journal from the beginning, I hope that you have found it informative. I set out to document my complete journey in my own words. I also wanted to give newly diagnosed colorectal cancer patients hope and the realization that cancer can be beaten.
Cancer is not a death sentence. Far from it.
If you are just starting your journey, be patient. There will be so much on your plate at first and you will no doubt be overwhelmed.
Take it slow, listen to your doctors and for God's sake stay away from Dr. Google. Be your own advocate, no one else will. You need to do your own research, ask questions and get answers.
Remember, when it comes to cancer, there are no bad questions.
During your treatments, you will be referred to as a warrior for being so strong fighting cancer. You will be an inspiration to others for being so brave and courageous during all your treatments. You will not feel like a warrior or an inspiration in the least.
But, you are and always remember that.
Fighting cancer will no doubt be the most physically and mentally demanding period of your life. Round after round of treatments not knowing what the outcome of your journey will be, truly takes a physical and mental toll on one's wellbeing.
You, are a warrior.
You, are an inspiration.
Stay positive.
If you have read my journey journal from the beginning, I hope that you have found it informative. I set out to document my complete journey in my own words. I also wanted to give newly diagnosed colorectal cancer patients hope and the realization that cancer can be beaten.
Cancer is not a death sentence. Far from it.
If you are just starting your journey, be patient. There will be so much on your plate at first and you will no doubt be overwhelmed.
Take it slow, listen to your doctors and for God's sake stay away from Dr. Google. Be your own advocate, no one else will. You need to do your own research, ask questions and get answers.
Remember, when it comes to cancer, there are no bad questions.
During your treatments, you will be referred to as a warrior for being so strong fighting cancer. You will be an inspiration to others for being so brave and courageous during all your treatments. You will not feel like a warrior or an inspiration in the least.
But, you are and always remember that.
Fighting cancer will no doubt be the most physically and mentally demanding period of your life. Round after round of treatments not knowing what the outcome of your journey will be, truly takes a physical and mental toll on one's wellbeing.
You, are a warrior.
You, are an inspiration.
Stay positive.
Remember when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Keep active. Even if it means a brisk daily walk, do it. Even if you are feeling like shit, still do it. It will pay off down the road.
Set personal goals.
Reward yourself when you reach your personal cancer milestones and always have something to look forward to. It will help you get through the dark days. There will be many dark days, you'll need someone to talk to and to cry with.
God only knows how much crying I did.
There will be many bright days also, you'll need someone to talk to and to laugh with.
Most importantly cherish every day, cherish the people in your life and be good to yourself. Whether you have cancer or not, life is fragile and you absolutely have no idea what the future holds. Every day you wake up on this side of the grass is a bonus.
Cash in all your bonuses.
Please, if you have any questions or would just like someone to chat with, do not hesitate to contact me. I have provided my email address at the bottom of this page.
I will now sign off from my 'Kick'n Ass Cancer's Ass' blog. I will leave you with the words from the late Colon Talk member Eric, aka 'BrownBagger'. His profound motto has always stuck in my head from the first time I read it.
"Live your life like it's going to be a long one because it just might and you'll be glad you did."
Set personal goals.
Reward yourself when you reach your personal cancer milestones and always have something to look forward to. It will help you get through the dark days. There will be many dark days, you'll need someone to talk to and to cry with.
God only knows how much crying I did.
There will be many bright days also, you'll need someone to talk to and to laugh with.
Most importantly cherish every day, cherish the people in your life and be good to yourself. Whether you have cancer or not, life is fragile and you absolutely have no idea what the future holds. Every day you wake up on this side of the grass is a bonus.
Cash in all your bonuses.
Please, if you have any questions or would just like someone to chat with, do not hesitate to contact me. I have provided my email address at the bottom of this page.
I will now sign off from my 'Kick'n Ass Cancer's Ass' blog. I will leave you with the words from the late Colon Talk member Eric, aka 'BrownBagger'. His profound motto has always stuck in my head from the first time I read it.
"Live your life like it's going to be a long one because it just might and you'll be glad you did."
Thanks for stopping by.