Chapter 33
It is now the summer of 2019; I am just about to turn fifty-nine years old. I have already achieved five of my six major cancer milestones so far on my journey.
Where has the time gone?
I have now crossed off my first, second, third, fourth and fifth cancerversary milestones. My sixth and final milestone will hopefully happen on September 27th when I walk out of the Simcoe Muskoka Regional Cancer Centre for the last time. I will be considered cured. I will have beaten cancer.
I kicked ass cancer’s ass.
There will be no fanfare and I will not mock cancer. I will not say fuck you cancer and I will not give cancer the finger. Instead I will be very happy, happy that for the most part my journey will now be finally over.
I most likely will high five Sherry, but that’s about it.
I will have climbed into the ring with cancer and it was indeed a heavyweight bout. I hit the canvas many times, but I always got back up. It’s now late into the 15th and final round with just seconds remaining and I can almost hear the bell.
Cancer hits the canvas.
Cancer does not get back up.
Cancer is down for the count.
Ding Ding Ding.
I knocked out cancer and I never want a fuck’n rematch.
Where has the time gone?
I have now crossed off my first, second, third, fourth and fifth cancerversary milestones. My sixth and final milestone will hopefully happen on September 27th when I walk out of the Simcoe Muskoka Regional Cancer Centre for the last time. I will be considered cured. I will have beaten cancer.
I kicked ass cancer’s ass.
There will be no fanfare and I will not mock cancer. I will not say fuck you cancer and I will not give cancer the finger. Instead I will be very happy, happy that for the most part my journey will now be finally over.
I most likely will high five Sherry, but that’s about it.
I will have climbed into the ring with cancer and it was indeed a heavyweight bout. I hit the canvas many times, but I always got back up. It’s now late into the 15th and final round with just seconds remaining and I can almost hear the bell.
Cancer hits the canvas.
Cancer does not get back up.
Cancer is down for the count.
Ding Ding Ding.
I knocked out cancer and I never want a fuck’n rematch.
Ever.
I wrote this journal mostly because I have always enjoyed writing. I also wanted to document what living with cancer is really like. No sugar coating and just the straight up goods in my own words.
You want sugar coating?
Go two aisles over to the cereal aisle.
Will anyone read it besides my biggest fan Sherry?
I hope so, but who knows and it will always be available to anyone who chooses to. My hope is that perhaps a newly diagnosed cancer patient will stumble across it someday and read it. If it gives them hope, it will then be worth all the time that I put into it.
When I was diagnosed, my first thought when I heard the word cancer was how much time do I have left?
Cancer is not a death sentence.
I am living proof.
My journey was a long road yet in many ways it was a short road. Treatments and recovering from surgeries seemed to last forever. Whereas five annual CT scans seemed to just fly by.
One, two, three, four and five all clear.
Anyone newly diagnosed with colorectal cancer will most likely be overwhelmed with all the ongoing tests and procedures. The first year was my toughest by far.
I wrote this journal mostly because I have always enjoyed writing. I also wanted to document what living with cancer is really like. No sugar coating and just the straight up goods in my own words.
You want sugar coating?
Go two aisles over to the cereal aisle.
Will anyone read it besides my biggest fan Sherry?
I hope so, but who knows and it will always be available to anyone who chooses to. My hope is that perhaps a newly diagnosed cancer patient will stumble across it someday and read it. If it gives them hope, it will then be worth all the time that I put into it.
When I was diagnosed, my first thought when I heard the word cancer was how much time do I have left?
Cancer is not a death sentence.
I am living proof.
My journey was a long road yet in many ways it was a short road. Treatments and recovering from surgeries seemed to last forever. Whereas five annual CT scans seemed to just fly by.
One, two, three, four and five all clear.
Anyone newly diagnosed with colorectal cancer will most likely be overwhelmed with all the ongoing tests and procedures. The first year was my toughest by far.
Technically I was a stage IIa patient. However, I was treated as a stage III patient due to that suspicious node on my MRI. Although tougher, I am glad I had the more aggressive treatment protocol.
Here is a grocery list of all the surgeries, treatments and procedures that I personally experienced over the last six years. The majority took place during the first year back in 2014.
In no particular order:
*1 LAR open surgery/ TME, 1 reversal surgery, 10 days in hospital 5 in ICU, 7 CT scans w/contrast, 1 full body bone scan, 1 pelvic/abdominal MRI, 1 ultrasound, 25 radiation treatments, 5 weeks 24/7 cycles neoadjuvant chemotherapy, 1 urine test, 16 CEA blood test, 30 CBC test, 2 EKG test, 91 Fragmin injections, 8 cycles adjuvant FOLFOX chemotherapy, 2 PICC lines, 50 + ostomy bag changes, 4 cycles MoviPrep, 3 colonoscopies, 1 epidural, 1 enema, 1 sigmoidoscopy, 1 flu shot, 12 Heparin injections, 16 Ondansetron w/ 16 Dexamethasone tablets*
Even I am overwhelmed looking at the list today. It is no wonder a cancer patient’s life is never the same after fighting cancer.
Here is a grocery list of all the surgeries, treatments and procedures that I personally experienced over the last six years. The majority took place during the first year back in 2014.
In no particular order:
*1 LAR open surgery/ TME, 1 reversal surgery, 10 days in hospital 5 in ICU, 7 CT scans w/contrast, 1 full body bone scan, 1 pelvic/abdominal MRI, 1 ultrasound, 25 radiation treatments, 5 weeks 24/7 cycles neoadjuvant chemotherapy, 1 urine test, 16 CEA blood test, 30 CBC test, 2 EKG test, 91 Fragmin injections, 8 cycles adjuvant FOLFOX chemotherapy, 2 PICC lines, 50 + ostomy bag changes, 4 cycles MoviPrep, 3 colonoscopies, 1 epidural, 1 enema, 1 sigmoidoscopy, 1 flu shot, 12 Heparin injections, 16 Ondansetron w/ 16 Dexamethasone tablets*
Even I am overwhelmed looking at the list today. It is no wonder a cancer patient’s life is never the same after fighting cancer.
How could it be?
One thing that still amazes me, I never filled one of my prescriptions for pain medication during my entire journey.
Not one and the scripts are still just sitting in a drawer.
I did however find myself praying to a divine being on a few occasions. At least three times I recall during my darkest periods when I was afraid the most, I prayed to Jehovah.
Who is this Jehovah?
Growing up in a north Toronto housing project, I had no father around. My brother and I were raised by our mother. She was the most devout Jehovah's Witness I have ever known. I knew literally hundreds of JW’s during my teenage years and many were my closest friends. My mother truly was the most hardcore JW of them all.
Her religion was the most important aspect of her life. Both my brother and mother dedicated their lives to the only God I had ever prayed to when I was a little boy, Jehovah.
I did not.
I never professed to be a religious person in the least. I have actually no use for any religion whatsoever. However, I do find it rather amusing that when I needed a God to lean on, a God to see me through my toughest times, I gravitated to the only God I ever knew.
My mother died in April 2009. I believe wholeheartedly had she been around during my cancer fight, she too would also be praying to her God Jehovah to see me through my darkest moments.
It is what it is.
I can’t turn back the hands of time. If I could, cancer and Jehovah would never have been part of my life.
Period.
One thing that still amazes me, I never filled one of my prescriptions for pain medication during my entire journey.
Not one and the scripts are still just sitting in a drawer.
I did however find myself praying to a divine being on a few occasions. At least three times I recall during my darkest periods when I was afraid the most, I prayed to Jehovah.
Who is this Jehovah?
Growing up in a north Toronto housing project, I had no father around. My brother and I were raised by our mother. She was the most devout Jehovah's Witness I have ever known. I knew literally hundreds of JW’s during my teenage years and many were my closest friends. My mother truly was the most hardcore JW of them all.
Her religion was the most important aspect of her life. Both my brother and mother dedicated their lives to the only God I had ever prayed to when I was a little boy, Jehovah.
I did not.
I never professed to be a religious person in the least. I have actually no use for any religion whatsoever. However, I do find it rather amusing that when I needed a God to lean on, a God to see me through my toughest times, I gravitated to the only God I ever knew.
My mother died in April 2009. I believe wholeheartedly had she been around during my cancer fight, she too would also be praying to her God Jehovah to see me through my darkest moments.
It is what it is.
I can’t turn back the hands of time. If I could, cancer and Jehovah would never have been part of my life.
Period.